i'm blogging early in the morning is because i overslept. i was supposed to be in college now, but there's no point going anymore as i'm already late. :) so, i went Bah Kut Teh with my parents and came back home, not knowing what to do. assignments for practice would be great before finals. before hitting myself with assignments, i'll just upload some photos about my previous Putrajaya trip.

photos below here are the ones i went for the first time.


the second time i went, there were this international hot air balloon fiesta going on. the weather was extremely hot and got myself sunburned. :(



then, we went to this memorial monument.


when we were about to leave, guess what we saw!


well, that's bout it! time to hit my practice now.

FEELINGS; seriously, what are they? it has been going on my mind for like few weeks already and still i couldn't figure out why. feelings made me a little confused lately and i wasn't quite enjoying it. it made my life upside down and inside out. it forced me into deep thinking lately. i started thinking about my future, my friends, and also my relationship. YEA~ and how does thinking made me think til my future, my friends and my relationship? haha! well, i feel insecure and hopeless in certain ways.

let's just start from my future. some of my friends knew that i wanna be a pilot, but due to that job being sexist, i gave up my dream. my heart seriously break into a trillion gazillion billion million pieces. i was really down and when i think about it, i did cry. i tried being optimist but i kinda succeed a while. deep down inside, i just couldn't. in the end, i took up engineering courses. i've decided to major in aeronautical engineering as it is related to airplanes. i kinda struggle a little at first even though it's just foundation, it made me think harder. can i do it? one day while i was in the library, i passed by a book; automotive engineering. it would be cool to take it as in the future, we'll all be driving hybrid cars. it's a good future to look forward to. if i don't understand, i can seek help from Howard. i don't really understand what exactly he always explain, but i did try. it made me think hard again and worry i might fail in my future. i feel insecure and hopeless.

next, my friends. as time goes by, i noticed that my friends are moving apart from me. we're not as close as before anymore, as we made new friends and moved on different lives. i used to have this bunch of friends which we were so close and we talked about everything. when time flies, i got into a relationship and i was excluded from their outings. deep down, i'm hurt. slowly, this group of friends are tearing up apart and i got into a new group. i enjoyed in this group a lot, but i feel like they are far, far away from me. well, Jay and Sean, i didn't say you dump me. haha! just that, i really miss you guys. after SPM, i didn't join you guys that much as i'm working. Sean left, Jay started new life in college. now i regret for not having time with you all during the holidays. well, sometimes i feel like i'm a hopeless friend. was it because of my negligence that they avoided me or what? i don't know. but, do forgive me if i've offended you guys.

lastly, my relationship. it started off early, and i'm a little regret for starting early. no offence, i was only 15 when i met you. haha! dude, i still haven't experience lots of things yet and i seriously still wanna play A LOT!! but, do bear in mind, i never regret being with you alright? sometimes, to be honest with you, i'm frustrated. it then triggers my thinking, 'whether or not i still love you?' it will then, make my feelings fade towards you. i felt insecure but there is no consultancy. when this happens, i hate this part right here~ i wouldn't want to care, i wouldn't want to talk, and i wouldn't wanna feel your presence. i prefer mixing with my friends and flirt around. mind you, i'm not a bitch, just that, a way to release my stress. XD then, you will go all blaming yourself, wanting to talk, scolding, and undergoes depression. i felt guilty as this is my problem. sometimes, i think it's cause by the period of time we were together. i'm still loyal to you and NO, i don't have a third party in our relationship. for this, i can assure you. in conclusion, i didn't know what to do or what to say. well, i just wanna say i'm sorry and i know i'm a sucky girlfriend at times. but, everyone has their flaws right? :) since i already say til here, well, just wanna let you know, your action do trigger my anger at times. no matter what, i still love you like i always do. <3

well, i don't know if you guys will understand about the feeling i'm having that got me into confusion, frustration, and aggression. XD just that, appreciate what we have before it's too late to regret. appreciate one's good side than the flaws they have. i know it has been a long post, so i'll stop here.

almost all my mid term tests are done. i guess i left one chemistry paper and it will be easy. :) sweet. i think i might fail psychology and calculus. :S i don't wanna fail, please pray hard for me.

anyway, SPM results were out. i'm a little disappointed in my results. people says that my results are good but i'm not quite satisfied about it. it's not that i'm trying to show off, but my results was a little off track from my aim. but, what's done is done, let bygones be bygones. moving forward, do well in college and not let my parents down again. the good thing is, my dad didn't sound that disappointed this time. not like the time when i got my PMR results, he almost make my tears come rolling down.

Howard and i went to Putrajaya and Cyberjaya just now. our intention was to see the stars but, it was raining. all we saw was one big piece of cloudy dark sky with NO stars. haha! we actually decided to cancel our plan and head to the club, but he didn't want to as he's afraid he might not be able to take care of me. plus, it was a last minute decision and didn't know who to call. additional to that, we didn't bring sufficient money. so, we just stick to our initial plan. wondering why we wanna go there? that place is so quiet, windy, nice and quiet. hahaha! it was so quiet until you can stop your car in the middle of the road anytime you want or you can just stop your car at the side of the road and go for a nice, long, satisfying sex with no worries that someone might catch you! haha. i guess i just made a suggestion for people. ;) so, we just turn around in that area, not knowing where were we as we're lost. making lots of phone calls to ask for directions. finally, we reached the nice, beautiful bridge where many people stopped to take some shots. we didn't stay long there as the time was already quite late. we were lost and it took us quite some time to turn around that place to look for one bridge. haha! because of the time we wasted turning around in that two cities, i guess we'll be going again sometime soon.

i gotta turn in now. my eye bags are making my face looking worse than before. everyone is having their term break but not me, (T.T) i really need a good rest. so that's for my update. the photos will be uploaded soon. peace out!

i really hate this feeling!