yeap, i'm still awake but felt a little sleepy already. i guess my blog has progress already. good news to me! :)

anyway, i'm still procrastinating. didn't even do any practices yet for Calculus 2 and finals is on Thursday. kill me! sat in front of the PC and facebook-ing the whole day. added everyone i know in the suggestion list to kill my time. eventually, talked to this junior of mine that i never talked to before. FYI, he's getting hot! haha! :P talked halfway, he left and so i decided to blog hop onto people i don't know but know their existence.

stumbled across one and gosh~ kids nowadays. clubbing at the age of 15 and put on cosmetics which made them look like they are in their 20s. not to offence anyone, WHAT ARE THE PARENTS DOING?! hello, your daughter is acting like a slut and you don't really care? seriously, it's not that i'm jealous or what, but this is just......way to over. well, the owner of the blog that i actually blog hop is already 17 but she gave me a slutty impression already. haha! guess that's what we call the face problem isn't it? wear something like a teenage girl and not an adult lady. know what? just be a high school student first alright? it's not the matter of being my business but these are the people that increase crime rates! XD

honestly, do you think you actually look cool and pretty and hot? dude, you look just like a slut! desperate for sex and attention. maybe it might be me being too Asian or you just being too slutty? once again, i'm not jealous because i did what i am supposed to be doing way back in high school. i studied well, be a good student, naughty but good (wtf?!), act like a teenage girl. i went into clubs when i'm legal except that very once. :P upon entering the club which i'm not legal, i was a little scared but they entered like it's their house. -.-

bah~ maybe it's just me that think like that. anyway, i wanna get back to high school. so gonna go back right after my finals! :)

P/S: i guess i complain a lot nowadays. gotta stop doing it!

when i was still online yesterday at around 3am, Richard Tan nudged me. well, our conversation actually made me realized that most of our friends are gone. my best friend, Sean, left to Aussie right after we finished high school. Kyle left without notice. not only that, even people in Malaysia seems far away now. where is everyone?

everyone have their new friends, new life, new studies. we tend to spend more time with our college friends and pretend to be busy with life. now, it seems like everyone of us are strangers and had nothing in common anymore. :( it's a pretty sad thing to say as we were stick to each other for like how many years? some 11 years, some at least 5 years. what is it that change us in split second and we tend to be closer to our new friends that we barely know?

what is driving us into this way? i really don't know. yesterday when Shomen invited to his house for Deepavali celebration, it was so great to have met with some of my old classmates. it was great to meet each other again after almost a year, but it seems that something is blocking us to talk like what we did back in high school. what is it? was it our ego? was it that we grew up and pretend to be matured? what was it? do we actually know the answer? i guess it's a big NO.

then, when we get out of college, we will be having our working life. there, new environment, new experience, and also, new friends. where do college friends go? same as high school friends? i guess so. we only will gather when there is an occasion. ONLY FOR OCCASION. some might not turn up because of being too busy with life. is it really that true? why can't we spend 2 hours of our time out of the 24 hours a day we have to just RELAX? how much will 2 hours cost? i really don't get some people. the funny part is what you know? if you ever notice, when a person is in a relationship, we are out of the list. we are out from outing, we are out from knowing what's new, and the list goes on. some prefer to be out of the list just to be with the so called 'THE ONE'. seriously, why is that so? if you can't leave him and are stuck with each other, why can't just take them out along?! is it that the so called 'THE ONE' is an embarrassment?

i guess that's the stage of life isn't it? til the end of the day, what do we have left? it's pretty obvious and each of us know the answer deep down our hearts. :)

i had quite a nap just now in the evening and now, i'm wide awake. anyway a quick update before my finals next week.

well, finals are killing me especially none other than Calculus 2. i'm so lazy and i'm not doing any practices. tomorrow is my last day of class but, i'm gonna skip it. i hate that bunch of fucking nerds in my class that are so fucking annoying. specially that #$#^#%&$#@$^#@^%^*&*. dude, it's just an I-Phone. get a grip. bunch of idiots. bahhhhh~

next, i hate Sri KL students. yes, you get that fucking right. i hate that school, the students, the parents, the drivers. DUDE, YOU DON'T OWN THE FUCKING ROAD. one student and a driver in one big car? haven't you guys heard of car pooling? gosh, troublesome. not that i'm jealous or what, it's just that, STUPID. i don't know how to explain it, but if you are gonna be around the area, observe them. you will understand. on the other hand, Subang has been raining like cats and dogs lately. and, i don't know how and why, my car actually slipped? YEA! today, i parked my car near to a pole and it slipped nearer to the fucking pole and caused my car to actually lean on that and i've got no choice but to drag my car out there and leave a freaking scar on my car. luckily, i have Carmen and Jin Ying to direct me to get my car out with minor injuries! :) thanks honey!

anyway, Howard and i are still going on. :) and he dump me now to sleep again after napping for like 5 hours because he claims that he hasn't got enough sleep. OH WAIT, he claims that he's sick. still the same, never changed. forget it. i watched 'Definitely, Maybe' just now and that movie is a tad bit boring but it was so sweet. haha! it's just amazing on what can love really do. how i wish i could be the actress in romance movies but by hoping Howard would do it, it will take his lifetime to figure it out. not that he's not sweet, he's uber sweet, but movies are always....MORE.

guess i'll try to tuck myself in now. skipping classes tomorrow but will still go to college to get some tips.

it's Saturday and it's a holiday. this time i should still be sleeping but i'm already awake. guess what? for the first time, i'm stuck at home because i've got nowhere to go. :( mum said the kids are coming over later. gosh, they are going to tear down the house and is there anyone out there to save me? how i wish i'm now in Subang so that i can go find my silly gang of friends! haha!

sis is coming back later with an Indon friend and i wonder who is that. that friend will be staying in my house. well, gonna be a hell of a party tonight! well, i hope tonight my cousins could save me and take me out!

gotta go find food now. i'm hungry~ again, Happy Deepavali guys!

my sis came back just now and brought back the old laptop. she just said, 'nah.' well, i supposed she's returning it back. it's good to have a laptop now but there's nothing in this crap. well, my mum said she wanted to buy me a new one the other day and i hope she buys it. :) i told her sis gave me this back so...let's just hope. if not, i'll work on this crap.

anyway, as you can see i've deleted my previous post. well, it's not really appropriate coz' it was a mistake. i shouldn't have done that out of anger. anger mislead people. :S well, of course, i would like to apologize to Howard for that. and to my friends, don't worry about me. i'm fine. i'll keep all of you updated because i'll have more time now!

Happy Deepavali my friends!

it's 4.20 am and i couldn't sleep. i guess my biological clock is messed up again.

anyway, i'm having a 1 week holiday for raya! i heard that other programmes only have like 2 days of holidays and that sucks! :) of course there are pros and cons. i get to chill more and not think about calculus 2 for a week which is part of the pros. in otherwise, i'll forget every shit of it which will kill me when class starts. and, i have to cramp everything old and new together when class starts. not to forget, i'm in short semester this term which i have to cramp 4 months of work into 2 months. imagine that. CALCULUS 2 IS KILLING ME! arghh~ cons are more than the pros. dang! if you think secondary add maths is tough, try taking up US engineering studies which require you to go til CALCULUS 3. good thing about US studies is, you study everything through the concept and not spoon fed like what Malaysia is doing to the students. you gotta move your brain a little and most importantly, TEAMWORK! :) so eventually at the end of the day, you know what you have studied and how to apply it and use it.

alright, i'm crapping too much. college life is getting better. and ya, good thing about US studies, you know everyone in the programme! each and everyone of us will somehow meet each other in at least ONE class. different background, different countries, different culture, different age group. THAT ROCKS! so, you get lots of friends from many different kind of places. for me, i know people from almost all over Malaysia. yeap~ right up to Sabah and Sarawak. i also know people from China, India, Mongolia, Indonesia,...and couldn't recall anymore. i haven't met a Korean yet, but there are lots of Koreans in INTI.

so if you any Form 5-mers that actually read my dead blog want to know more about US studies, i suggest you INTI College. it's not because i'm from there, it's because of the standard which you will be shocked. if you do not know, INTI is the first ranking transfer rate. the choices for colleges are so wide and colleges which has ranking in US like Embry-Riddle, Purdue University, is also linked. just that, your CGPA have to reach to a standard of 3.0-3.5 which you can go commit suicide. XD and the fees are way cheaper than Taylor's ADP. no offence, it's the fact!

i'm like promoting INTI. haha! my point is, INTI had given me a great college experience. :) i guess that's bout it. will continue a long, boring post again soon. and it's almost to 5 am. so, good morning!

everything has changed.
i don't know when, and i don't know how.
it got from bad to worse, and from worse to worst.
it was the look and the actions of yours..
i know that look.
i know i never once had that look of yours onto me before,
never before.
i knew it was different,
and it will be different from that moment.

my heart was shattered where a gentle touch could turn into dust,
instead of a touch,
you gave me a stab where you put in phrases,
which you made me bleed deeply inside,
while i'm crying deeply hard inside and nobody knew.
no one. not even YOU.
that stab,
didn't crush my shattered heart.
guess what?
it's bleeding, and still bleeding.
drop by drop, seconds by seconds,
strong to weak, filled to empty,
that stab, broke me.
it proves to me today,
that IT'S OVER.