:(: .... I don't know how I feel.

心里总觉得酸酸的。不知道为什么，很想要放却又不想放。

我怕我放了会后悔，但也怕不放也后悔。很傻吧？

想起往事，心又刺刺的痛，很气。但一切都过了，难道我真的放不下吗？朋友都说这是不该原谅的错误，是不应该原谅，但为什么我却做不到？如果有一天，我来告诉你我做了对不起你的事，你会有什么反应？由我来告诉你好过比被你发现好多吧？或，由你来对我坦白会好过一点？但到今天，你还是没对我坦白过。有时候我在想，如果所发生的事都没发生过，我们还会不会像以前那么的单纯，那么的恩爱？一切会不同吗？

这几天，我也发觉到我们好像变了世上最熟悉的陌生人。难道我们已经有了答案吗？我有去试，但你总是好冷淡，一切都不一样了。好不自在，好尴尬。或是我想多？我也不敢在去想多。或许，是我也错了，我不知吧。

在美国的日子，我觉得我能够没有你也能过。但不知道为什么，我回来的日子却不能没有你。心里却在挣扎着。好乱。真的好想快点回到美国去，逃避这些，不用去想。但一部分的心却舍不得。

唉~ 刘玲施，你好笨，好白痴啊！这样简单的决定都做不到。我还是等答案吧。还有7天就飞了，就等吧。我相信，不管什么答案都好，我不会让自己过的不快乐。 :)

A Little Free Time...

I'm back! :) Had a little free time so I decided to update. It won't be a long one.

Spring break was awesome. I went to Colorado again, but this time, it's Loveland. Most importantly, the company I went with. My small family in the States. :D

Learnt how to ski finally. Was doing good when I practice so my friend who is a better in skiing decided to bring me up to another level. It's either I panicked or what, because the slope was really steep. I was stuck on the mountain for 2 hours and was rescued down by a snowmobile. He ran out of patient for waiting for me. xD I'm sorry but thanks for everything. :)

After spring break, we're back to hell. :( Tests and assignments all come together. Busy, busy, busy! Had been going through that since the first day of my classes here. I can say I got used to it. Now, I can't wait for my summer break!

Thought of closing down this blog as I'm not as free as before to update. Or should I just leave it? Hmm.. Any suggestions?

怎么只能在爱里微加幸福?

不知不觉中, 我们拖拖拉拉的也过快8个月了. 事情还是没怎样. 我们两都选着逃避. 我也已经搞不清我们到底是什么身分了. 这样的日子好难过. 不知该高兴或伤心. 我真不懂为何还保留这段也许无法再能象从前一样的感情. 放手却心好痛, 坚持却觉得自己好傻. 我真怕我会很后悔. 我真怕我无法开始另一段新的感情.

想起我们, 自己却掉了眼泪. 总觉得自己好白痴又为了你而哭. 我真的很想大哭一场. 心好痛. 看着你, 就想起你所说的谎言, 你所做的事. 我不敢面对你. 可能是我不会面对你吧. 我选着离开, 但你选着坚持. 我很害怕当我回心转意的时候, 你却决定放手了. 我无法再接受多一刀了.

看我们两的照片, 心总觉得酸酸的. 我问我自己, 我们为何会这样呢? 我不断的怪自己. 或许吧, 这段距离也许能让一切一了百了.

谢谢你一路的忍耐. 对不起, 给不到你所要得.
谢谢这个女人已替了我来陪伴你.

一个人在这里, 真的好难过日子. 只好能忍着不在朋友的面前掉眼泪.

告诉自己, '刘玲施! 你是能的!' :) 

A picture paints a thousand words.

It hurts when I look at our photos. How I wish we could be the same as in the photos.

All of our photos reminds me of how happy we were before. But now, it isn't the same anymore.

好几次, 我们抱着彼此都是想要哭.

My First Thanksgiving.

Greetings! If you're wondering where have I been, well, where and what can I do besides studying? :( Sad life I know. If anyone decides to be an engineer and studying in the States, think twice. Anyway, leave the sad life aside. How was your Thanksgiving? Mine went awesome because I went shopping! :D Yes, I spent a lot and I'm broke. I didn't get much for myself, but as for my family members, you guys are lucky. I went San Marcos and San Antonio, which is about 8 hours drive from where I am. San Marcos Premium Outlets is the third largest outlet in US so it is really big. The brand you can think of, it's there! To say cheap, definitely it is cheap! Comparing not only dollar to dollar, even after conversion for currency, it is still cheap! And yes, I bought a lot. Bags, glasses, shirts, shoes...and the list goes on. :) Enough said, pictures time!

For San Antonio, River Walk is the most famous place in there. We spent one night there. Below are some pictures I took.

River Walk map

the magic mirror

Ducklings everywhere!

The Undertaker

Hooters o.0

The view

The River Taxi

And these are the views when I ride on the boat.

The port

the group without Jeremy

The art there is made from small little color tiles.

As for San Marcos, not much time for pictures. We shopped from 9pm to 7am. Black Friday is awesome! :)

If you think that this is a crowd, you're wrong. It's the queue to enter Coach. :D

this is only the first car's boot.

this is the second car's boot

these are from only the girls.

Well, do you think I had an awesome time? ;) I practically shopped till I dropped!

Got to know some new friends during this trip. Overall, I had an awesome and great time! :) It's a new experience for me too to be shopping from midnight til the next morning. I will definitely give it another try again next time.

Since now is the end of Fall 2011 semester, I will be free to post more updates till winter break is over! Till then, chaoz! :D

I'm Just A Nobody.

Probably I'm just a nobody. I tried in many ways to get back what I owned but I don't know why it just didn't work. Probably I should try committing suicide. I think that is when you will give a look on me and care for a moment and leave me after you're tired of it.

I really feel useless and dumb. Trust are filled with lies, faith are filled with fake emotions and promise are just wind that just come and go in seconds.

Well, it's dumb to even say the word "suicide". But at times, I understand for why people chose suicide than facing it.

I think I should go to bed and stop thinking. :)

I'm still alive!

I tried to update my blog last 2 weeks but I didn't complete typing. So here it goes today!

It has been 2 months since I last updated and also it has been 2 months since I'm in the States. I'm still alive here, no worries about that. I didn't post much about my life here. Studying here is pretty hectic so I don't have much time to relax. Even if I do have time, I just wanna rest and not sitting down in front of the laptop to think what to write in my blog. :)

Today, I chose to update my blog is not because that I'm free, I'm feeling totally down today which I got no idea why either. :( It's just a sudden feeling that rush to me this morning when I woke up. I told one of my seniors, he said it's normal at times. As we are living alone outside in a foreign world, we don't have anyone here and all by ourselves. During the period when you stress with assignments or exams coming up and you don't know where to go and who to talk to. Friends are busy with their things too and you wouldn't want to bother them. Family, well, you wouldn't want them to worry. As for boyfriend, well, probably the distance is causing problems too.

I'm lucky enough to have seniors here that took well care of me. From studies to choices, even to personal problems. I was having problems the other day where I broke down, everyone of them send me a personal message touched my heart. "Hope you're alright. If there's anything we can do, please let us know. Outside here, friends are family. We'll be there for you." That is really nice of them.

This week, I've got 3 tests, 3 days continuously. Even though there are tests, there will also be assignments due. Life is great as an engineer. All I ever did since I came here was study, study and study. As for business major students, all they do is party, party and party. The stress here is so enormous that you don't even know what to do besides studying when you have time. To enter the professional school in OSU, a 3.0 GPA will not guarantee you a place. Quota per year for students to enter professional school is only 100. Do the math and study your nuts out. If you think that is ridiculous, what about knowing that only 35% of the people manage to graduate out of here. Awesome, isn't it? :)

I've changed my major into a dual major, Mechanical and Aerospace Engineering (MAE). I'm just in sophomore year where I'm far behind already. If I succeed in going into professional school without any delay, I may graduate in 2014. So, wish me luck!

I'll try to update as frequent as possible!