會過去的

新的戒指失了光澤 幾年過了呢
沈默著 天快暗了 我們該把 往事收拾了
再多說 也回不去了
後來的 都沒關係了
縱然我 想起你的 某年某天 歷歷還深刻

分開後有一段日子 躲得遠遠的
終於我 都走完了 慢慢也懂 當時不懂的
此刻你 生疏的溫柔
觸及我 結痂的傷口
以前多 不能原諒 如今都能 笑著說出口

我曾為你快樂 也曾為你挫折
曾把你 緊緊抱著 緊緊依賴著 緊緊地愛著
離開很不捨得 以為會崩潰的
卻在最痛的時刻 最感覺清澈
什麼都會過去的
（過去的在過去活著）

思念偶爾 參雜淚水 很快就乾了
時間會 幫我負荷 讓我的痛 淡掉了顏色
相遇在 熟悉的路口
翻攪著 內心的沈澱
遺失的 那個永遠 永遠還是 留在我心間

我們都走了
我們都不一樣了
緣分沒有 再一次選擇

怎么突然又想起了你？

亲爱的，你好吗？

有时候听到某些歌，突然就会想起了你。有时，泪也突然的掉了。梦见你有新的女朋友，不知为什么好气。也许，我还不能去接受看到你和另一个女人在一起。虽然我现在已没有及格去管你了，但我还是很在乎。

人啊，是如此的反。失去了才懂得对方的好。也许，时间能让我找到像你这样爱我的男人吧。

也许对你来说，表面上我是放下了。但说真的，6年的感情并不容易说要放就放。现在，我也只能怀念我们在一起的日子。希望你过的好就够了。如果我们现在还在一起的话，会是怎样的呢？

我只是突然好想你。不用当担心，不会在去乱想。:)

你也一定要快乐！

A year has come and gone so fast. I can't believe for how much things have changed and how much I've grown up. I'm actually proud of myself. All the while I grow up, I never did anything alone before. I've always been protected. But now, I can be alone. I've learnt to live alone, eat alone and do things alone. I've learnt to make decisions myself.

Of course, thanks for allowing me to grow up. Thanks for protecting me all these while. No matter what, you are the guy that I will always care. :) 我不否认我对你还有感情但已不是爱情了。谢谢你曾经让我幸福过。我现在也很幸福，那你也一定要幸福哦！

你... 好吗?

你好吗？才发现，每次当我用华语来打字都会想起你。

看你过的很快乐，而你所说的东西已没关于我了。看来，这位 “她” 成功了。可是心总是酸酸的。也许我做对了选着吧。:) 你要加油哦！

外表坚强但心里却是弱.

These few weeks, a close friend of mine has been dealing with his relationship. Without me realizing, it struck me. It reminds me of you. I really don't know how should I feel. A relationship of 6 years, how am I letting it go so easily? Looking normal, not feeling anything. I'm surprised for how I reacted. I actually could make myself numb to stop thinking about it. But until recently, family members start asking about you and seeing my friend having to deal with his relationship.

No matter how strong I am to show people, it still hits me back when I come to be alone. I would not deny I still check on you and still cares at times. But I don't wanna look at it anymore, I know I have to let go and move on with my life. The day you made the decision, is the day I am prepared to do so. I am moving on on a one way street so everything is clear to me that it's the end of us. But it's not as easy as I think it is. It takes so much effort for a 2 and a half years relationship of my friend to let go, but what about a 6 years relationship? I'm so cool about it and he even ask how did I do it. I don't even know, but I know I have to do it.

But having a guy beside me helping me picking the pieces up does make it easier. So, it took all of me to finally tell  my mum that we've reach the end of road. Funny thing is, she always stands on your side. She feels that there's something in between that made you do all that to me. Well, maybe that is. It's nobody's fault that we've come to this. You said you felt our relationship like you're paying back for the mistakes you did. It came to my sense when you said that and that very sentence just made it even clear that we have definitely reached the end of the road and can never turn back. Honestly, I'm pissed. You did not even show me the effort of fixing us and you come telling me this relationship is continuing is because of the guilt you have done. Well, you don't have to. If you tell me you wanted to let go from the very beginning, I definitely could show you I could live on my own. There's no need for you to care now after breaking up. But, I'm definitely trying my best to move on. Letting go is not hard but I wouldn't say it's easy. As long as I know what I have to do is pulling myself back together, meeting new people, upgrading myself and of course, living a better life.

I always asked myself for the reason I came to the States, it's because of you. It's really silly, but I would say it's not that bad to actually get to see the world. It's lonely, but I guess it's a new start for me. All in all, thanks for the 6 years. It's definitely an amazing 6 years. Even though we have fights and ups and downs in our relationship, it made me grow. I won't forget what you told me, taught me and gave me. "Even if we were to break up, I want you to remember what I taught you." I'll keep that in mind. Like before, I'll always love you. Now, it's time for me to grow up on my own. :)

放心, 我会努力的. Don't you worry about me.

我已忘了 “痛” 是怎么写了。

我要你知道，我不是不爱你，而是很爱你。我就是太爱你，才选着逃避。就是因为这样，我们两才变成了陌生人。

你说你会努力，但我没看到变化。你什么都没做，就这样的一天一天地过。我特地在我们 anniversary 的时候什么都不做，想看你会怎样，但你只发了一封短讯，短短的 “Happy anniversary”。过后就没 reply 了。这算是你的努力吗？

我很怕，你在这样的努力法，我怕我不能在坚持下去。我不原在否认我已开始对他动了心。当你知道了，你会怎样？难道又再说，“去吧，如果他对你好。”是吗？说真的，你有在努力吗？难道我们真的是要分手才能把问题解决？

请你告诉我，你要我怎样？我所做的一切都是错的。你说，“为什么每次都要有谁对谁错？”。那如果没有人对或错，我们就不会这样。要不然，世界就不用有法律，就没有黑和白边界。到现在，我觉得你还不明白我为什么会这样。你老实说问为什么这样都方不下，请你记住：

“亲爱的，我的心是很脆弱的，但我却把我的心交了给你守护，相信你会好好的保护着他。” 

你有好好的保护吗？我受伤了，希望你了解。我也希望你能补救，但为什么你却一次的有一次把伤口越割越深？反而，把我的心交给另一个人来忧伤？

告诉我，我该怎么办？我是不是该放手？我是不是该放弃？我觉得，我是该放下。要不然，我永远都会在同一个地方。6年了，时间过的真快。我们什么时候才能像从前的我们呢？

我们还有机会吗？

Reverse psychology will never work on me.

One said, "Love does not matter for how far the distance are." 

I doubt that now. From the first day I felt Malaysia, it happened onto me. I always thought we could make it after all the things we've been through. I really do believe until one day. One day, you decided to tell me distance had become a factor in us. You decide to lie to me again by seeing her again.

You may say you both are just friends and I should have an open heart to accept that. Let me tell you one thing, I can't do that. She managed to slip through a gap to come between us. I gave you a chance to push her away, but you open the gap bigger by letting her in again. It didn't happen only once and you knew. Tell me, how would that make me feel? And again, this came to my fault for being the inconsiderate bitchy girlfriend.

You say, in LDR, those that left tend to move on easier. Don't make such a silly statement. Places we've been through together, things we did together? Now wait a minute. That brings you back the memories we had before? Ever thought of it when you decide to call her in the middle of the night by lying to me you're tired and need to turn in? We always talked on the phone till late at night, now how did that memory didn't pass through when you decide to do that? Sharing all the tiny little things and talking about me to her? Well, that is one classic moment you had. So tell me, why would I wanna stay in that and not move on? You could move on, but you chose not to. Calling me telling how lonely you are without friends, how did I stop you from making new friends? Indirectly saying, at least you've got friends there that will keep you company. Don't turn 360 degrees for it.

Don't complain you're tired when you did nothing. I tried and tried and tried, and yes I'm tired at times but I still continue trying. Tell me, what have you done to mend the holes you've dug? Should I be the one to mend it? Now you say, TOGETHER we mend it. Won't the word TOGETHER came a little late after everything? Why not YOU try doing it alone? If you really did want to do it, something would have change when I went back for 3 weeks. So don't come telling me you're tired.

You always questioned me, "What are we now?" Why don't you tell me? I believe I'm the one who asked you that first. So you tell me what are we now. You keep saying you can't do anything because you can't come to the States anymore. Honestly, coming or not coming does not even relate to what you can do to polish a scratched heart. Not to say I'm asking for a present, but when your girlfriend is 21, where is her present? Don't you think it really fucking matters to her for what her boyfriend gets her for her 21st birthday? When people asked me, "What did he get for you?" and I could only answer nothing and not go all hoo-hah about it. 

All the time you called, you just have to start about "I really don't know what to do anymore. Give me an answer." What have you done to the point you don't know what to do anymore? Calling me and telling me all that? Why can't you just leave that aside and try to mend the holes by not asking that. Yes, I give you a cold treatment, and so? You expect me to warmly have a conversation with you while deep down I'm cutting myself even deeper? I DO HAVE FEELINGS TOO. Not only you. So please, stop thinking only about 'I' and maybe give some time to think about the person you've hurt the most.

You're 24, not 2+4. Don't tell my how fucking lonely you are and how it's fucking you up everyday. You fucked me and I did not tell you a single thing about it when I'm in the States. Honestly, how the fuck did I stop you from making new friends? Like, literally please. I never once stop you from doing anything except from smoking and contacting her again. I could not stop you from any of that, so tell me, how did I stop you from socializing? Bullshit. I make friends and yes, I won't deny that someone here is treating me well. Then, all you ever did was asking me to give a chance to the guy? Probably that's how you try. And yes, I'm pissed. I'm pissed for every fucking times you called and say all that bullshit to me. Is that how you should treat me?

If you really think all this reverse psychology is gonna work on me, well I can assure you it's hitting you back more than it is hitting me. So, just fucking stop it. If you really wanna let me go and walk your OH-SO-GREAT social life again, just fucking tell me. Don't make yourself sound like a fucking pathetic loner. It just pissed me off. If you wanna be together, then find a fucking way to mend up the holes. 

And yes, I'm pissed and all I could say is, it was your fault for all these that happened. So don't you dare say it was my fault or nobody's fault. Or even say why must there always be somebody's fault. Screw that. It is always somebody's fault. Get out of that fucking shell of yours and try to think like a fucking 24 year old.

A reminder for you, don't you dare bring your fucking ego to talk to me.