I doubt that now. From the first day I felt Malaysia, it happened onto me. I always thought we could make it after all the things we've been through. I really do believe until one day. One day, you decided to tell me distance had become a factor in us. You decide to lie to me again by seeing her again.
You may say you both are just friends and I should have an open heart to accept that. Let me tell you one thing, I can't do that. She managed to slip through a gap to come between us. I gave you a chance to push her away, but you open the gap bigger by letting her in again. It didn't happen only once and you knew. Tell me, how would that make me feel? And again, this came to my fault for being the inconsiderate bitchy girlfriend.
You say, in LDR, those that left tend to move on easier. Don't make such a silly statement. Places we've been through together, things we did together? Now wait a minute. That brings you back the memories we had before? Ever thought of it when you decide to call her in the middle of the night by lying to me you're tired and need to turn in? We always talked on the phone till late at night, now how did that memory didn't pass through when you decide to do that? Sharing all the tiny little things and talking about me to her? Well, that is one classic moment you had. So tell me, why would I wanna stay in that and not move on? You could move on, but you chose not to. Calling me telling how lonely you are without friends, how did I stop you from making new friends? Indirectly saying, at least you've got friends there that will keep you company. Don't turn 360 degrees for it.
Don't complain you're tired when you did nothing. I tried and tried and tried, and yes I'm tired at times but I still continue trying. Tell me, what have you done to mend the holes you've dug? Should I be the one to mend it? Now you say, TOGETHER we mend it. Won't the word TOGETHER came a little late after everything? Why not YOU try doing it alone? If you really did want to do it, something would have change when I went back for 3 weeks. So don't come telling me you're tired.
You always questioned me, "What are we now?" Why don't you tell me? I believe I'm the one who asked you that first. So you tell me what are we now. You keep saying you can't do anything because you can't come to the States anymore. Honestly, coming or not coming does not even relate to what you can do to polish a scratched heart. Not to say I'm asking for a present, but when your girlfriend is 21, where is her present? Don't you think it really fucking matters to her for what her boyfriend gets her for her 21st birthday? When people asked me, "What did he get for you?" and I could only answer nothing and not go all hoo-hah about it.
All the time you called, you just have to start about "I really don't know what to do anymore. Give me an answer." What have you done to the point you don't know what to do anymore? Calling me and telling me all that? Why can't you just leave that aside and try to mend the holes by not asking that. Yes, I give you a cold treatment, and so? You expect me to warmly have a conversation with you while deep down I'm cutting myself even deeper? I DO HAVE FEELINGS TOO. Not only you. So please, stop thinking only about 'I' and maybe give some time to think about the person you've hurt the most.
You're 24, not 2+4. Don't tell my how fucking lonely you are and how it's fucking you up everyday. You fucked me and I did not tell you a single thing about it when I'm in the States. Honestly, how the fuck did I stop you from making new friends? Like, literally please. I never once stop you from doing anything except from smoking and contacting her again. I could not stop you from any of that, so tell me, how did I stop you from socializing? Bullshit. I make friends and yes, I won't deny that someone here is treating me well. Then, all you ever did was asking me to give a chance to the guy? Probably that's how you try. And yes, I'm pissed. I'm pissed for every fucking times you called and say all that bullshit to me. Is that how you should treat me?
If you really think all this reverse psychology is gonna work on me, well I can assure you it's hitting you back more than it is hitting me. So, just fucking stop it. If you really wanna let me go and walk your OH-SO-GREAT social life again, just fucking tell me. Don't make yourself sound like a fucking pathetic loner. It just pissed me off. If you wanna be together, then find a fucking way to mend up the holes.
And yes, I'm pissed and all I could say is, it was your fault for all these that happened. So don't you dare say it was my fault or nobody's fault. Or even say why must there always be somebody's fault. Screw that. It is always somebody's fault. Get out of that fucking shell of yours and try to think like a fucking 24 year old.
A reminder for you, don't you dare bring your fucking ego to talk to me.
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