新的戒指失了光澤 幾年過了呢
沈默著 天快暗了 我們該把 往事收拾了
再多說 也回不去了
後來的 都沒關係了
縱然我 想起你的 某年某天 歷歷還深刻
分開後有一段日子 躲得遠遠的
終於我 都走完了 慢慢也懂 當時不懂的
此刻你 生疏的溫柔
觸及我 結痂的傷口
以前多 不能原諒 如今都能 笑著說出口
我曾為你快樂 也曾為你挫折
曾把你 緊緊抱著 緊緊依賴著 緊緊地愛著
離開很不捨得 以為會崩潰的
卻在最痛的時刻 最感覺清澈
什麼都會過去的
（過去的在過去活著）
思念偶爾 參雜淚水 很快就乾了
時間會 幫我負荷 讓我的痛 淡掉了顏色
相遇在 熟悉的路口
翻攪著 內心的沈澱
遺失的 那個永遠 永遠還是 留在我心間
我們都走了
我們都不一樣了
緣分沒有 再一次選擇
Saturday, February 09, 2013
Friday, February 08, 2013
怎么突然又想起了你？
亲爱的，你好吗？
有时候听到某些歌，突然就会想起了你。有时，泪也突然的掉了。梦见你有新的女朋友，不知为什么好气。也许，我还不能去接受看到你和另一个女人在一起。虽然我现在已没有及格去管你了，但我还是很在乎。
人啊，是如此的反。失去了才懂得对方的好。也许，时间能让我找到像你这样爱我的男人吧。
也许对你来说，表面上我是放下了。但说真的，6年的感情并不容易说要放就放。现在，我也只能怀念我们在一起的日子。希望你过的好就够了。如果我们现在还在一起的话，会是怎样的呢？
我只是突然好想你。不用当担心，不会在去乱想。:)
Thursday, December 20, 2012
你也一定要快乐！
A year has come and gone so fast. I can't believe for how much things have changed and how much I've grown up. I'm actually proud of myself. All the while I grow up, I never did anything alone before. I've always been protected. But now, I can be alone. I've learnt to live alone, eat alone and do things alone. I've learnt to make decisions myself.
Of course, thanks for allowing me to grow up. Thanks for protecting me all these while. No matter what, you are the guy that I will always care. :) 我不否认我对你还有感情但已不是爱情了。谢谢你曾经让我幸福过。我现在也很幸福，那你也一定要幸福哦！
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
外表坚强但心里却是弱.
These few weeks, a close friend of mine has been dealing with his relationship. Without me realizing, it struck me. It reminds me of you. I really don't know how should I feel. A relationship of 6 years, how am I letting it go so easily? Looking normal, not feeling anything. I'm surprised for how I reacted. I actually could make myself numb to stop thinking about it. But until recently, family members start asking about you and seeing my friend having to deal with his relationship.
No matter how strong I am to show people, it still hits me back when I come to be alone. I would not deny I still check on you and still cares at times. But I don't wanna look at it anymore, I know I have to let go and move on with my life. The day you made the decision, is the day I am prepared to do so. I am moving on on a one way street so everything is clear to me that it's the end of us. But it's not as easy as I think it is. It takes so much effort for a 2 and a half years relationship of my friend to let go, but what about a 6 years relationship? I'm so cool about it and he even ask how did I do it. I don't even know, but I know I have to do it.
But having a guy beside me helping me picking the pieces up does make it easier. So, it took all of me to finally tell my mum that we've reach the end of road. Funny thing is, she always stands on your side. She feels that there's something in between that made you do all that to me. Well, maybe that is. It's nobody's fault that we've come to this. You said you felt our relationship like you're paying back for the mistakes you did. It came to my sense when you said that and that very sentence just made it even clear that we have definitely reached the end of the road and can never turn back. Honestly, I'm pissed. You did not even show me the effort of fixing us and you come telling me this relationship is continuing is because of the guilt you have done. Well, you don't have to. If you tell me you wanted to let go from the very beginning, I definitely could show you I could live on my own. There's no need for you to care now after breaking up. But, I'm definitely trying my best to move on. Letting go is not hard but I wouldn't say it's easy. As long as I know what I have to do is pulling myself back together, meeting new people, upgrading myself and of course, living a better life.
I always asked myself for the reason I came to the States, it's because of you. It's really silly, but I would say it's not that bad to actually get to see the world. It's lonely, but I guess it's a new start for me. All in all, thanks for the 6 years. It's definitely an amazing 6 years. Even though we have fights and ups and downs in our relationship, it made me grow. I won't forget what you told me, taught me and gave me. "Even if we were to break up, I want you to remember what I taught you." I'll keep that in mind. Like before, I'll always love you. Now, it's time for me to grow up on my own. :)
放心, 我会努力的. Don't you worry about me.
No matter how strong I am to show people, it still hits me back when I come to be alone. I would not deny I still check on you and still cares at times. But I don't wanna look at it anymore, I know I have to let go and move on with my life. The day you made the decision, is the day I am prepared to do so. I am moving on on a one way street so everything is clear to me that it's the end of us. But it's not as easy as I think it is. It takes so much effort for a 2 and a half years relationship of my friend to let go, but what about a 6 years relationship? I'm so cool about it and he even ask how did I do it. I don't even know, but I know I have to do it.
But having a guy beside me helping me picking the pieces up does make it easier. So, it took all of me to finally tell my mum that we've reach the end of road. Funny thing is, she always stands on your side. She feels that there's something in between that made you do all that to me. Well, maybe that is. It's nobody's fault that we've come to this. You said you felt our relationship like you're paying back for the mistakes you did. It came to my sense when you said that and that very sentence just made it even clear that we have definitely reached the end of the road and can never turn back. Honestly, I'm pissed. You did not even show me the effort of fixing us and you come telling me this relationship is continuing is because of the guilt you have done. Well, you don't have to. If you tell me you wanted to let go from the very beginning, I definitely could show you I could live on my own. There's no need for you to care now after breaking up. But, I'm definitely trying my best to move on. Letting go is not hard but I wouldn't say it's easy. As long as I know what I have to do is pulling myself back together, meeting new people, upgrading myself and of course, living a better life.
I always asked myself for the reason I came to the States, it's because of you. It's really silly, but I would say it's not that bad to actually get to see the world. It's lonely, but I guess it's a new start for me. All in all, thanks for the 6 years. It's definitely an amazing 6 years. Even though we have fights and ups and downs in our relationship, it made me grow. I won't forget what you told me, taught me and gave me. "Even if we were to break up, I want you to remember what I taught you." I'll keep that in mind. Like before, I'll always love you. Now, it's time for me to grow up on my own. :)
放心, 我会努力的. Don't you worry about me.
Wednesday, August 08, 2012
我已忘了 “痛” 是怎么写了。
我要你知道，我不是不爱你，而是很爱你。我就是太爱你，才选着逃避。就是因为这样，我们两才变成了陌生人。
你说你会努力，但我没看到变化。你什么都没做，就这样的一天一天地过。我特地在我们 anniversary 的时候什么都不做，想看你会怎样，但你只发了一封短讯，短短的 “Happy anniversary”。过后就没 reply 了。这算是你的努力吗？
我很怕，你在这样的努力法，我怕我不能在坚持下去。我不原在否认我已开始对他动了心。当你知道了，你会怎样？难道又再说，“去吧，如果他对你好。”是吗？说真的，你有在努力吗？难道我们真的是要分手才能把问题解决？
请你告诉我，你要我怎样？我所做的一切都是错的。你说，“为什么每次都要有谁对谁错？”。那如果没有人对或错，我们就不会这样。要不然，世界就不用有法律，就没有黑和白边界。到现在，我觉得你还不明白我为什么会这样。你老实说问为什么这样都方不下，请你记住：
你有好好的保护吗？我受伤了，希望你了解。我也希望你能补救，但为什么你却一次的有一次把伤口越割越深？反而，把我的心交给另一个人来忧伤？
告诉我，我该怎么办？我是不是该放手？我是不是该放弃？我觉得，我是该放下。要不然，我永远都会在同一个地方。6年了，时间过的真快。我们什么时候才能像从前的我们呢？
我们还有机会吗？
你说你会努力，但我没看到变化。你什么都没做，就这样的一天一天地过。我特地在我们 anniversary 的时候什么都不做，想看你会怎样，但你只发了一封短讯，短短的 “Happy anniversary”。过后就没 reply 了。这算是你的努力吗？
我很怕，你在这样的努力法，我怕我不能在坚持下去。我不原在否认我已开始对他动了心。当你知道了，你会怎样？难道又再说，“去吧，如果他对你好。”是吗？说真的，你有在努力吗？难道我们真的是要分手才能把问题解决？
请你告诉我，你要我怎样？我所做的一切都是错的。你说，“为什么每次都要有谁对谁错？”。那如果没有人对或错，我们就不会这样。要不然，世界就不用有法律，就没有黑和白边界。到现在，我觉得你还不明白我为什么会这样。你老实说问为什么这样都方不下，请你记住：
“亲爱的，我的心是很脆弱的，但我却把我的心交了给你守护，相信你会好好的保护着他。”
你有好好的保护吗？我受伤了，希望你了解。我也希望你能补救，但为什么你却一次的有一次把伤口越割越深？反而，把我的心交给另一个人来忧伤？
告诉我，我该怎么办？我是不是该放手？我是不是该放弃？我觉得，我是该放下。要不然，我永远都会在同一个地方。6年了，时间过的真快。我们什么时候才能像从前的我们呢？
我们还有机会吗？
Sunday, July 08, 2012
Reverse psychology will never work on me.
One said, "Love does not matter for how far the distance are."
I doubt that now. From the first day I felt Malaysia, it happened onto me. I always thought we could make it after all the things we've been through. I really do believe until one day. One day, you decided to tell me distance had become a factor in us. You decide to lie to me again by seeing her again.
You may say you both are just friends and I should have an open heart to accept that. Let me tell you one thing, I can't do that. She managed to slip through a gap to come between us. I gave you a chance to push her away, but you open the gap bigger by letting her in again. It didn't happen only once and you knew. Tell me, how would that make me feel? And again, this came to my fault for being the inconsiderate bitchy girlfriend.
You say, in LDR, those that left tend to move on easier. Don't make such a silly statement. Places we've been through together, things we did together? Now wait a minute. That brings you back the memories we had before? Ever thought of it when you decide to call her in the middle of the night by lying to me you're tired and need to turn in? We always talked on the phone till late at night, now how did that memory didn't pass through when you decide to do that? Sharing all the tiny little things and talking about me to her? Well, that is one classic moment you had. So tell me, why would I wanna stay in that and not move on? You could move on, but you chose not to. Calling me telling how lonely you are without friends, how did I stop you from making new friends? Indirectly saying, at least you've got friends there that will keep you company. Don't turn 360 degrees for it.
Don't complain you're tired when you did nothing. I tried and tried and tried, and yes I'm tired at times but I still continue trying. Tell me, what have you done to mend the holes you've dug? Should I be the one to mend it? Now you say, TOGETHER we mend it. Won't the word TOGETHER came a little late after everything? Why not YOU try doing it alone? If you really did want to do it, something would have change when I went back for 3 weeks. So don't come telling me you're tired.
You always questioned me, "What are we now?" Why don't you tell me? I believe I'm the one who asked you that first. So you tell me what are we now. You keep saying you can't do anything because you can't come to the States anymore. Honestly, coming or not coming does not even relate to what you can do to polish a scratched heart. Not to say I'm asking for a present, but when your girlfriend is 21, where is her present? Don't you think it really fucking matters to her for what her boyfriend gets her for her 21st birthday? When people asked me, "What did he get for you?" and I could only answer nothing and not go all hoo-hah about it.
All the time you called, you just have to start about "I really don't know what to do anymore. Give me an answer." What have you done to the point you don't know what to do anymore? Calling me and telling me all that? Why can't you just leave that aside and try to mend the holes by not asking that. Yes, I give you a cold treatment, and so? You expect me to warmly have a conversation with you while deep down I'm cutting myself even deeper? I DO HAVE FEELINGS TOO. Not only you. So please, stop thinking only about 'I' and maybe give some time to think about the person you've hurt the most.
You're 24, not 2+4. Don't tell my how fucking lonely you are and how it's fucking you up everyday. You fucked me and I did not tell you a single thing about it when I'm in the States. Honestly, how the fuck did I stop you from making new friends? Like, literally please. I never once stop you from doing anything except from smoking and contacting her again. I could not stop you from any of that, so tell me, how did I stop you from socializing? Bullshit. I make friends and yes, I won't deny that someone here is treating me well. Then, all you ever did was asking me to give a chance to the guy? Probably that's how you try. And yes, I'm pissed. I'm pissed for every fucking times you called and say all that bullshit to me. Is that how you should treat me?
If you really think all this reverse psychology is gonna work on me, well I can assure you it's hitting you back more than it is hitting me. So, just fucking stop it. If you really wanna let me go and walk your OH-SO-GREAT social life again, just fucking tell me. Don't make yourself sound like a fucking pathetic loner. It just pissed me off. If you wanna be together, then find a fucking way to mend up the holes.
And yes, I'm pissed and all I could say is, it was your fault for all these that happened. So don't you dare say it was my fault or nobody's fault. Or even say why must there always be somebody's fault. Screw that. It is always somebody's fault. Get out of that fucking shell of yours and try to think like a fucking 24 year old.
A reminder for you, don't you dare bring your fucking ego to talk to me.
Friday, May 25, 2012
:(: .... I don't know how I feel.
心里总觉得酸酸的。不知道为什么，很想要放却又不想放。
我怕我放了会后悔，但也怕不放也后悔。很傻吧？
想起往事，心又刺刺的痛，很气。但一切都过了，难道我真的放不下吗？朋友都说这是不该原谅的错误，是不应该原谅，但为什么我却做不到？如果有一天，我来告诉你我做了对不起你的事，你会有什么反应？由我来告诉你好过比被你发现好多吧？或，由你来对我坦白会好过一点？但到今天，你还是没对我坦白过。有时候我在想，如果所发生的事都没发生过，我们还会不会像以前那么的单纯，那么的恩爱？一切会不同吗？
这几天，我也发觉到我们好像变了世上最熟悉的陌生人。难道我们已经有了答案吗？我有去试，但你总是好冷淡，一切都不一样了。好不自在，好尴尬。或是我想多？我也不敢在去想多。或许，是我也错了，我不知吧。
在美国的日子，我觉得我能够没有你也能过。但不知道为什么，我回来的日子却不能没有你。心里却在挣扎着。好乱。真的好想快点回到美国去，逃避这些，不用去想。但一部分的心却舍不得。
唉~ 刘玲施，你好笨，好白痴啊！这样简单的决定都做不到。我还是等答案吧。还有7天就飞了，就等吧。我相信，不管什么答案都好，我不会让自己过的不快乐。 :)
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
A Little Free Time...
I'm back! :) Had a little free time so I decided to update. It won't be a long one.
Spring break was awesome. I went to Colorado again, but this time, it's Loveland. Most importantly, the company I went with. My small family in the States. :D
Learnt how to ski finally. Was doing good when I practice so my friend who is a better in skiing decided to bring me up to another level. It's either I panicked or what, because the slope was really steep. I was stuck on the mountain for 2 hours and was rescued down by a snowmobile. He ran out of patient for waiting for me. xD I'm sorry but thanks for everything. :)
After spring break, we're back to hell. :( Tests and assignments all come together. Busy, busy, busy! Had been going through that since the first day of my classes here. I can say I got used to it. Now, I can't wait for my summer break!
Thought of closing down this blog as I'm not as free as before to update. Or should I just leave it? Hmm.. Any suggestions?
Spring break was awesome. I went to Colorado again, but this time, it's Loveland. Most importantly, the company I went with. My small family in the States. :D
Learnt how to ski finally. Was doing good when I practice so my friend who is a better in skiing decided to bring me up to another level. It's either I panicked or what, because the slope was really steep. I was stuck on the mountain for 2 hours and was rescued down by a snowmobile. He ran out of patient for waiting for me. xD I'm sorry but thanks for everything. :)
After spring break, we're back to hell. :( Tests and assignments all come together. Busy, busy, busy! Had been going through that since the first day of my classes here. I can say I got used to it. Now, I can't wait for my summer break!
Thought of closing down this blog as I'm not as free as before to update. Or should I just leave it? Hmm.. Any suggestions?
Friday, February 10, 2012
怎么只能在爱里微加幸福?
不知不觉中, 我们拖拖拉拉的也过快8个月了. 事情还是没怎样. 我们两都选着逃避. 我也已经搞不清我们到底是什么身分了. 这样的日子好难过. 不知该高兴或伤心. 我真不懂为何还保留这段也许无法再能象从前一样的感情. 放手却心好痛, 坚持却觉得自己好傻. 我真怕我会很后悔. 我真怕我无法开始另一段新的感情.
想起我们, 自己却掉了眼泪. 总觉得自己好白痴又为了你而哭. 我真的很想大哭一场. 心好痛. 看着你, 就想起你所说的谎言, 你所做的事. 我不敢面对你. 可能是我不会面对你吧. 我选着离开, 但你选着坚持. 我很害怕当我回心转意的时候, 你却决定放手了. 我无法再接受多一刀了.
看我们两的照片, 心总觉得酸酸的. 我问我自己, 我们为何会这样呢? 我不断的怪自己. 或许吧, 这段距离也许能让一切一了百了.
谢谢你一路的忍耐. 对不起, 给不到你所要得.
谢谢这个女人已替了我来陪伴你.
一个人在这里, 真的好难过日子. 只好能忍着不在朋友的面前掉眼泪.
告诉自己, '刘玲施! 你是能的!' :)
想起我们, 自己却掉了眼泪. 总觉得自己好白痴又为了你而哭. 我真的很想大哭一场. 心好痛. 看着你, 就想起你所说的谎言, 你所做的事. 我不敢面对你. 可能是我不会面对你吧. 我选着离开, 但你选着坚持. 我很害怕当我回心转意的时候, 你却决定放手了. 我无法再接受多一刀了.
看我们两的照片, 心总觉得酸酸的. 我问我自己, 我们为何会这样呢? 我不断的怪自己. 或许吧, 这段距离也许能让一切一了百了.
谢谢你一路的忍耐. 对不起, 给不到你所要得.
谢谢这个女人已替了我来陪伴你.
一个人在这里, 真的好难过日子. 只好能忍着不在朋友的面前掉眼泪.
告诉自己, '刘玲施! 你是能的!' :)
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
A picture paints a thousand words.
It hurts when I look at our photos. How I wish we could be the same as in the photos.
All of our photos reminds me of how happy we were before. But now, it isn't the same anymore.
好几次, 我们抱着彼此都是想要哭.
All of our photos reminds me of how happy we were before. But now, it isn't the same anymore.
好几次, 我们抱着彼此都是想要哭.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
My First Thanksgiving.
Greetings! If you're wondering where have I been, well, where and what can I do besides studying? :( Sad life I know. If anyone decides to be an engineer and studying in the States, think twice. Anyway, leave the sad life aside. How was your Thanksgiving? Mine went awesome because I went shopping! :D Yes, I spent a lot and I'm broke. I didn't get much for myself, but as for my family members, you guys are lucky. I went San Marcos and San Antonio, which is about 8 hours drive from where I am. San Marcos Premium Outlets is the third largest outlet in US so it is really big. The brand you can think of, it's there! To say cheap, definitely it is cheap! Comparing not only dollar to dollar, even after conversion for currency, it is still cheap! And yes, I bought a lot. Bags, glasses, shirts, shoes...and the list goes on. :) Enough said, pictures time!
For San Antonio, River Walk is the most famous place in there. We spent one night there. Below are some pictures I took.
And these are the views when I ride on the boat.
As for San Marcos, not much time for pictures. We shopped from 9pm to 7am. Black Friday is awesome! :)
Well, do you think I had an awesome time? ;) I practically shopped till I dropped!
Got to know some new friends during this trip. Overall, I had an awesome and great time! :) It's a new experience for me too to be shopping from midnight til the next morning. I will definitely give it another try again next time.
Since now is the end of Fall 2011 semester, I will be free to post more updates till winter break is over! Till then, chaoz! :D
For San Antonio, River Walk is the most famous place in there. We spent one night there. Below are some pictures I took.
 |
| River Walk map |
 |
| the magic mirror |
 |
| Ducklings everywhere! |
 |
| The Undertaker |
 |
| Hooters o.0 |
 |
| The view |
 |
| The River Taxi |
And these are the views when I ride on the boat.
 |
| The port |
 |
| the group without Jeremy |
 |
| The art there is made from small little color tiles. |
As for San Marcos, not much time for pictures. We shopped from 9pm to 7am. Black Friday is awesome! :)
 |
| If you think that this is a crowd, you're wrong. It's the queue to enter Coach. :D |
 |
| this is only the first car's boot. |
 |
| this is the second car's boot |
 |
| these are from only the girls. |
Well, do you think I had an awesome time? ;) I practically shopped till I dropped!
Got to know some new friends during this trip. Overall, I had an awesome and great time! :) It's a new experience for me too to be shopping from midnight til the next morning. I will definitely give it another try again next time.
Since now is the end of Fall 2011 semester, I will be free to post more updates till winter break is over! Till then, chaoz! :D
Friday, October 28, 2011
I'm Just A Nobody.
Probably I'm just a nobody. I tried in many ways to get back what I owned but I don't know why it just didn't work. Probably I should try committing suicide. I think that is when you will give a look on me and care for a moment and leave me after you're tired of it.
I really feel useless and dumb. Trust are filled with lies, faith are filled with fake emotions and promise are just wind that just come and go in seconds.
Well, it's dumb to even say the word "suicide". But at times, I understand for why people chose suicide than facing it.
I think I should go to bed and stop thinking. :)
I really feel useless and dumb. Trust are filled with lies, faith are filled with fake emotions and promise are just wind that just come and go in seconds.
Well, it's dumb to even say the word "suicide". But at times, I understand for why people chose suicide than facing it.
I think I should go to bed and stop thinking. :)
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
I'm still alive!
I tried to update my blog last 2 weeks but I didn't complete typing. So here it goes today!
It has been 2 months since I last updated and also it has been 2 months since I'm in the States. I'm still alive here, no worries about that. I didn't post much about my life here. Studying here is pretty hectic so I don't have much time to relax. Even if I do have time, I just wanna rest and not sitting down in front of the laptop to think what to write in my blog. :)
Today, I chose to update my blog is not because that I'm free, I'm feeling totally down today which I got no idea why either. :( It's just a sudden feeling that rush to me this morning when I woke up. I told one of my seniors, he said it's normal at times. As we are living alone outside in a foreign world, we don't have anyone here and all by ourselves. During the period when you stress with assignments or exams coming up and you don't know where to go and who to talk to. Friends are busy with their things too and you wouldn't want to bother them. Family, well, you wouldn't want them to worry. As for boyfriend, well, probably the distance is causing problems too.
I'm lucky enough to have seniors here that took well care of me. From studies to choices, even to personal problems. I was having problems the other day where I broke down, everyone of them send me a personal message touched my heart. "Hope you're alright. If there's anything we can do, please let us know. Outside here, friends are family. We'll be there for you." That is really nice of them.
This week, I've got 3 tests, 3 days continuously. Even though there are tests, there will also be assignments due. Life is great as an engineer. All I ever did since I came here was study, study and study. As for business major students, all they do is party, party and party. The stress here is so enormous that you don't even know what to do besides studying when you have time. To enter the professional school in OSU, a 3.0 GPA will not guarantee you a place. Quota per year for students to enter professional school is only 100. Do the math and study your nuts out. If you think that is ridiculous, what about knowing that only 35% of the people manage to graduate out of here. Awesome, isn't it? :)
I've changed my major into a dual major, Mechanical and Aerospace Engineering (MAE). I'm just in sophomore year where I'm far behind already. If I succeed in going into professional school without any delay, I may graduate in 2014. So, wish me luck!
I'll try to update as frequent as possible!
It has been 2 months since I last updated and also it has been 2 months since I'm in the States. I'm still alive here, no worries about that. I didn't post much about my life here. Studying here is pretty hectic so I don't have much time to relax. Even if I do have time, I just wanna rest and not sitting down in front of the laptop to think what to write in my blog. :)
Today, I chose to update my blog is not because that I'm free, I'm feeling totally down today which I got no idea why either. :( It's just a sudden feeling that rush to me this morning when I woke up. I told one of my seniors, he said it's normal at times. As we are living alone outside in a foreign world, we don't have anyone here and all by ourselves. During the period when you stress with assignments or exams coming up and you don't know where to go and who to talk to. Friends are busy with their things too and you wouldn't want to bother them. Family, well, you wouldn't want them to worry. As for boyfriend, well, probably the distance is causing problems too.
I'm lucky enough to have seniors here that took well care of me. From studies to choices, even to personal problems. I was having problems the other day where I broke down, everyone of them send me a personal message touched my heart. "Hope you're alright. If there's anything we can do, please let us know. Outside here, friends are family. We'll be there for you." That is really nice of them.
This week, I've got 3 tests, 3 days continuously. Even though there are tests, there will also be assignments due. Life is great as an engineer. All I ever did since I came here was study, study and study. As for business major students, all they do is party, party and party. The stress here is so enormous that you don't even know what to do besides studying when you have time. To enter the professional school in OSU, a 3.0 GPA will not guarantee you a place. Quota per year for students to enter professional school is only 100. Do the math and study your nuts out. If you think that is ridiculous, what about knowing that only 35% of the people manage to graduate out of here. Awesome, isn't it? :)
I've changed my major into a dual major, Mechanical and Aerospace Engineering (MAE). I'm just in sophomore year where I'm far behind already. If I succeed in going into professional school without any delay, I may graduate in 2014. So, wish me luck!
I'll try to update as frequent as possible!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Trust and Faith.
I seriously hate it every single time when you just pretend that nothing ever happened. Saying out all the things I don't wanna know. Seriously, is that it? Don't try to be stupid and say I would snap because of the truth. I've done my role as who you wanted me to be. If I still couldn't satisfy your needs, I'm sorry.
No matter where am I, FML.
I can't do anything, can I? :) Teach me what to do besides having trust and faith.
No matter where am I, FML.
I can't do anything, can I? :) Teach me what to do besides having trust and faith.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Greetings from USA!
Greetings from the States. :) I'm doing fine here, beside being homesick and missing my friends and family, I'm overall fine.
I finally touched down here in Oklahoma on the August 13 after sitting 24 hours of flight. 2 transits, 5 hours each. In total, 34 hours. I'm dead when I touched down. Reached Oklahoma City, I have to hop in a car for another an hour and half to reach Stillwater, where my university is located. GOSH! Since then, my backbone has been killing me. Salonpas saved me a little. :)
I'm in here for a week now. Got to know my seniors and some new friends. The orientation here is super boring. From what Desmond says, international orientation sucks. HAHA! The food is here is OK for me. Nice food here are fast food. Asian food is like those normal hawker food back in Malaysia. All of their food are salty and sweet. GOSH! Now I know why are they fat and have so much problems with their body system. The great thing here is, the Subway here serve pork! :D They got more choices here, not as boring as Malaysia. Overall, the food here is not as good as what we have back home. I'm just here for a week, so it's still too early to judge.
I went for an interview to work on campus just now. It's so different from the interview we have. :) It's a new experience for me tho. Let's just cross our fingers that I can get the job to cover my expenses. They pay really good money. I work on the front desk in stadium dining, they pay like 8.50 dollars an hour. Not forgetting, I'm getting my tips too. I have to work at least 10 hours on game days, so let's just do the math. Convert that back to Malaysian Ringgit, it's like RM 300 a day at least. Hope I get to work more hours next time.
The things here are cheap if we don't convert back to Malaysian Ringgit. :) I spent less than 300 dollars to get everything. Laundry bag, shoes, clothes, kettles, bed sheets, pillow, electronics; the necessity you need to survive here is cheap! Except for the food if we do the conversion. HAHA!
I met my housemates, both from Tulsa, Oklahoma. I don't have a roommate yet, so it's great to have a room all by yourself. I need to socialize more. I want to find more hot 'ang moh' so I can look forward to something. :P Sorry baby, you know I still love you the most! ♥
I think that's about my life here currently. I'll try to upload some pictures soon. My classes are starting on the August 22. Hope I could cope. Gonna make my parents proud. :) That's bout it. Heading to the gym to make me look hotter. :P I'll try to update more often!
PS: The weather here is killing me! It's 5.30pm and it's like 12-1pm where the sun is scorching hot out there back in Malaysia! OH GOD, KILL ME!
I finally touched down here in Oklahoma on the August 13 after sitting 24 hours of flight. 2 transits, 5 hours each. In total, 34 hours. I'm dead when I touched down. Reached Oklahoma City, I have to hop in a car for another an hour and half to reach Stillwater, where my university is located. GOSH! Since then, my backbone has been killing me. Salonpas saved me a little. :)
I'm in here for a week now. Got to know my seniors and some new friends. The orientation here is super boring. From what Desmond says, international orientation sucks. HAHA! The food is here is OK for me. Nice food here are fast food. Asian food is like those normal hawker food back in Malaysia. All of their food are salty and sweet. GOSH! Now I know why are they fat and have so much problems with their body system. The great thing here is, the Subway here serve pork! :D They got more choices here, not as boring as Malaysia. Overall, the food here is not as good as what we have back home. I'm just here for a week, so it's still too early to judge.
I went for an interview to work on campus just now. It's so different from the interview we have. :) It's a new experience for me tho. Let's just cross our fingers that I can get the job to cover my expenses. They pay really good money. I work on the front desk in stadium dining, they pay like 8.50 dollars an hour. Not forgetting, I'm getting my tips too. I have to work at least 10 hours on game days, so let's just do the math. Convert that back to Malaysian Ringgit, it's like RM 300 a day at least. Hope I get to work more hours next time.
The things here are cheap if we don't convert back to Malaysian Ringgit. :) I spent less than 300 dollars to get everything. Laundry bag, shoes, clothes, kettles, bed sheets, pillow, electronics; the necessity you need to survive here is cheap! Except for the food if we do the conversion. HAHA!
I met my housemates, both from Tulsa, Oklahoma. I don't have a roommate yet, so it's great to have a room all by yourself. I need to socialize more. I want to find more hot 'ang moh' so I can look forward to something. :P Sorry baby, you know I still love you the most! ♥
I think that's about my life here currently. I'll try to upload some pictures soon. My classes are starting on the August 22. Hope I could cope. Gonna make my parents proud. :) That's bout it. Heading to the gym to make me look hotter. :P I'll try to update more often!
PS: The weather here is killing me! It's 5.30pm and it's like 12-1pm where the sun is scorching hot out there back in Malaysia! OH GOD, KILL ME!
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
Sleepless Night.
Another sleepless night.
I'm feeling tired but just couldn't go to bed. There's just too much going on in my brain.
How to stop your brain from thinking? Seriously, FML.
I'm feeling tired but just couldn't go to bed. There's just too much going on in my brain.
How to stop your brain from thinking? Seriously, FML.
Saturday, August 06, 2011
Since That Day...
Since that day, I cry myself to sleep almost every night.
Since that day, I don't know who can I talk to.
Since that day, I don't know what to believe anymore.
Since that day, I never have enough sleep.
Since that day, I blame myself every day.
Since that day, I tried everything to change.
Since that day, I don't have anymore self-confidence.
Since that day, I don't know who I am anymore.
Since that day, I put on a mask to face everyone including you.
Since that day, I pretend to be who I used to be.
Since that day, I lost everything.
Since that day, I understand.
Since that day, I believed everything will be different.
Since that day, I lost faith.
Since that day, I'm a different person.
Since that day, I'm lost.
Since that day, my heart never stopped bleeding.
It hurts me really bad. From that day, I can understand why people chose to be so stupid by choosing suicide because of such things.
Every single word you say, every single thing you do, I doubt. Can I trust you? Even if everything you told me was the truth, but you chose to lie from the very beginning. Every other things that you do behind me, your actions and vague explanations full with excuses and lies, tell me, what can I do to really trust you?
A friend asked me, '最基本的信任都没有，你觉得你自己还能和他在一起吗?' Honestly, I don't know how to answer. Everyone asked me, 'So, what you gonna do now?' I really don't know what to do. But still, you still chose to lie and hide the truth from me.
Finally, I tried my very best to forget everything. I tried my best to not care. I tried my best to not ask. Because I wanted to try giving us another chance. I gave you chances after chances to prove to me, but one after one, all I ever gotten back was disappointment and lies. I put in every effort I could to bring us back. I put in my every effort to show you I can try to accept everything that you did. What did I get in return? You come telling me in anger it was just a sudden crush that come and go just like before. Are you sure you want to compare the feelings of before and after we got together? A clap doesn't sound with only one hand.
I listened to you. I quietly, calmly, holding back all my feelings, listening to you. All I want is just what every other girl wants. Have you ever tried listening carefully to what I'm trying to say? In return, you fell asleep, you ignored me, you divert everything I say, and you even yelled at me saying, '你要知道真相来干吗，你知道了又一直哭，知道来作么？你问了很爽吗？' Why can't I know the truth? Why can't I ask? Is that the reason for why you kept lying to me again and again? I'm sorry that I can't hold my feelings. I'm sorry that I asked too much. I'm sorry that all I can do is just cry. Tell me, what can I do besides feeling so badly hurt and not being able to cry?
你问我为什么，我说没有事。我只想你知道，不是我不要告诉你，我不懂的怎样。我已经什么事再也不敢说了。因为你那番话告诉了我我再也没那个必要让你知道我的心在想什么，有多痛。我很想你知道，我接受不到。我不能不去想。每个晚上我只好哭累了，去睡，希望第二天就没事了。我真的不敢去想当我真的走了，会怎样？你口口声声的说不会再有第二次，但凡事有第一次就会有第饿二次。我每天看着你那么的高兴，我也配合。你我知道已经是不同了。我明白你现在所做的一切。我不怪你，我真的明白。这一切，我只好能怪我自己。你要说我扮大方，我要你知道我没有那个意思。
我知道我所说的这一切，有一位小姐会懂的她是我们的问题，但请问这位小姐，你觉得你真的很好吗？如过你有当做我是你的朋友的话，你一早就会散。关心朋友？过线了吧？废话少说。我们都是女人，没那个必要来说废话。我服了你，你赢我输。我知道你有读我的blog, but so what? Do ponder and start asking yourself, AS MY FRIEND, was it even necessary to do what you did? It's so kind of you is it? I'm a lady too, miss. Don't tell me you're just being friendly. I know I shouldn't have said all these to you, just want you to know to learn the limits of being a friend and HOW TO BE A FRIEND. If you think I'm being over sensitive, try putting you in my shoes and think for what have YOU done with MY boyfriend. so, ME, SENSITIVE? 希望你的良心过的去for你所做的一切。
而你宝贝，我有考虑过该不该publish这一个post, 因为所有人都会知道。我知道你爱面子，但对不起，我不是要丢你的面子，是我不懂还有那里我可以发泄了。你觉得我可做的过分了，那对不起。至少，我说的都是真话。真的很希望你能好好的去为了我们想一想，已经两个月了，你证明了什么？Do you even want to maintain us? Please do remember for how we started from friends to being a couple. I may be a bitchy girlfriend these few months, but that is my effort to save us. What about you?
I can let the whole world know I'm stupid, I'm a fool, I'm a bitch. I may be over the limits for saying all the above, but I believed I have the right to be angry. If not, tell me right in my fucking face. If you guys have anything to say, please leave your comments at the comment section below. Thank You. :)
P/S: For those who only reads from my side of story, please don't judge. I don't want people to think I'm asking for support. xD I just want to let out my feelings only. But, I don't mind suggestions for what can I do!
Since that day, I don't know who can I talk to.
Since that day, I don't know what to believe anymore.
Since that day, I never have enough sleep.
Since that day, I blame myself every day.
Since that day, I tried everything to change.
Since that day, I don't have anymore self-confidence.
Since that day, I don't know who I am anymore.
Since that day, I put on a mask to face everyone including you.
Since that day, I pretend to be who I used to be.
Since that day, I lost everything.
Since that day, I understand.
Since that day, I believed everything will be different.
Since that day, I lost faith.
Since that day, I'm a different person.
Since that day, I'm lost.
Since that day, my heart never stopped bleeding.
It hurts me really bad. From that day, I can understand why people chose to be so stupid by choosing suicide because of such things.
Every single word you say, every single thing you do, I doubt. Can I trust you? Even if everything you told me was the truth, but you chose to lie from the very beginning. Every other things that you do behind me, your actions and vague explanations full with excuses and lies, tell me, what can I do to really trust you?
A friend asked me, '最基本的信任都没有，你觉得你自己还能和他在一起吗?' Honestly, I don't know how to answer. Everyone asked me, 'So, what you gonna do now?' I really don't know what to do. But still, you still chose to lie and hide the truth from me.
Finally, I tried my very best to forget everything. I tried my best to not care. I tried my best to not ask. Because I wanted to try giving us another chance. I gave you chances after chances to prove to me, but one after one, all I ever gotten back was disappointment and lies. I put in every effort I could to bring us back. I put in my every effort to show you I can try to accept everything that you did. What did I get in return? You come telling me in anger it was just a sudden crush that come and go just like before. Are you sure you want to compare the feelings of before and after we got together? A clap doesn't sound with only one hand.
I listened to you. I quietly, calmly, holding back all my feelings, listening to you. All I want is just what every other girl wants. Have you ever tried listening carefully to what I'm trying to say? In return, you fell asleep, you ignored me, you divert everything I say, and you even yelled at me saying, '你要知道真相来干吗，你知道了又一直哭，知道来作么？你问了很爽吗？' Why can't I know the truth? Why can't I ask? Is that the reason for why you kept lying to me again and again? I'm sorry that I can't hold my feelings. I'm sorry that I asked too much. I'm sorry that all I can do is just cry. Tell me, what can I do besides feeling so badly hurt and not being able to cry?
你问我为什么，我说没有事。我只想你知道，不是我不要告诉你，我不懂的怎样。我已经什么事再也不敢说了。因为你那番话告诉了我我再也没那个必要让你知道我的心在想什么，有多痛。我很想你知道，我接受不到。我不能不去想。每个晚上我只好哭累了，去睡，希望第二天就没事了。我真的不敢去想当我真的走了，会怎样？你口口声声的说不会再有第二次，但凡事有第一次就会有第饿二次。我每天看着你那么的高兴，我也配合。你我知道已经是不同了。我明白你现在所做的一切。我不怪你，我真的明白。这一切，我只好能怪我自己。你要说我扮大方，我要你知道我没有那个意思。
我知道我所说的这一切，有一位小姐会懂的她是我们的问题，但请问这位小姐，你觉得你真的很好吗？如过你有当做我是你的朋友的话，你一早就会散。关心朋友？过线了吧？废话少说。我们都是女人，没那个必要来说废话。我服了你，你赢我输。我知道你有读我的blog, but so what? Do ponder and start asking yourself, AS MY FRIEND, was it even necessary to do what you did? It's so kind of you is it? I'm a lady too, miss. Don't tell me you're just being friendly. I know I shouldn't have said all these to you, just want you to know to learn the limits of being a friend and HOW TO BE A FRIEND. If you think I'm being over sensitive, try putting you in my shoes and think for what have YOU done with MY boyfriend. so, ME, SENSITIVE? 希望你的良心过的去for你所做的一切。
而你宝贝，我有考虑过该不该publish这一个post, 因为所有人都会知道。我知道你爱面子，但对不起，我不是要丢你的面子，是我不懂还有那里我可以发泄了。你觉得我可做的过分了，那对不起。至少，我说的都是真话。真的很希望你能好好的去为了我们想一想，已经两个月了，你证明了什么？Do you even want to maintain us? Please do remember for how we started from friends to being a couple. I may be a bitchy girlfriend these few months, but that is my effort to save us. What about you?
I can let the whole world know I'm stupid, I'm a fool, I'm a bitch. I may be over the limits for saying all the above, but I believed I have the right to be angry. If not, tell me right in my fucking face. If you guys have anything to say, please leave your comments at the comment section below. Thank You. :)
P/S: For those who only reads from my side of story, please don't judge. I don't want people to think I'm asking for support. xD I just want to let out my feelings only. But, I don't mind suggestions for what can I do!
Ctrl + Alt + Del
How I wish I could have a DELETE button connected to my brain. Just like the computers; browse folders, useless files, delete, empty recycle bin. *POOOOFFF!* FOREVER GONE! How amazing. :D There's always a but, so, but we created computers to substitute us.
I tried to create a DELETE button for myself too, but I failed. :( What can I do to erase certain things I don't wish to have? I've tried each and every way, none of it work. Oh well...
Well, it only happens if there is only if. :)
Friday, August 05, 2011
问世间，情是何物？
当两个人在一起比较久，女的会越来越爱男的，男的越来越随便。
男的会说女老是胡思乱想，女就说男已经变了不像以前那么宠她。
其实大家都没变，只是时间变了。
因为彼此关系变亲密了，习惯对方，所以不会再像热恋那样，所以女的会胡想。
无论如何请不要对爱情偷懒，否则只有平淡.然后矛盾争吵再到分手。
难到又是女人的错吗？或者是双方都有错？咳~ 像猪八戒每次所说的，‘问世间，情是何物？’。
能不能不爱了？
男的会说女老是胡思乱想，女就说男已经变了不像以前那么宠她。
其实大家都没变，只是时间变了。
因为彼此关系变亲密了，习惯对方，所以不会再像热恋那样，所以女的会胡想。
无论如何请不要对爱情偷懒，否则只有平淡.然后矛盾争吵再到分手。
难到又是女人的错吗？或者是双方都有错？咳~ 像猪八戒每次所说的，‘问世间，情是何物？’。
能不能不爱了？
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)